No Such Thing
by revolution rae
Summary: Evil is a figment of society's imagination. A series of 100-word drabbles on Sophie.
1. Dramatic Irony

**disclaimer:** i have no rights to just listen or any associated characters, places, etc.

**a/n:** here it is, chapter 1. enjoy.

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I am eleven years old, but tonight, I feel like I'm a thousand. Mom and Dad are fighting in the kitchen, screaming about Dad's "friends," Mom's spending habits, and my grades. But really, they're arguing because it's after midnight, Dad just walked in smelling of perfume, and Mom is jealous and hurt.

I know they think I'm sleeping. They think I don't hear them. They hate each other, and at times resent me, but they try not to fight when I'm around.

Of course, that means I usually only see one at a time.

Well, at least they're not divorced.


	2. Safety

**disclaimer:** it's not mine.

**a/n:** chapter two on the same day, because i'm cool like that.

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You know, in eighth grade, Clarke accused me of being jealous of her. She was wrong, though. True, she's one of _those girls_. Unintentionally beautiful. Thoughtlessly kind. Loved. But I don't want that. I never have. I like my dramatic, ugly, cruel, hateful world. It's safer and easier. And besides, she can't be happy like that. She must wonder what it's like to not give a shit about other people. And that's the difference – I don't wonder what it's like to care about them. Because I already know, I've known since I was twelve years old, and I'm over it.


	3. First Love

**Disclaimer:** I have no rights.

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The night I met Will Cash was the first time in my life I felt visible. I've always been pretty, and that blinds people. They don't want to look past your face. They just want to call you a slut.

Then I danced with Will. And something about him… I can't explain it. It was like he looked at me, and he _got_ it. Like if he'd just hold me for one more minute, then everything would be okay.

Will was the first guy I ever wanted to sleep with. He was my everything. I _gave_ him everything – including love.


	4. Family Values

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Just Listen or any associated characters, places. Etc. Blablabla.

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"I'm sixteen! I can take care of myself!"

"Shut your goddamn mouth, Sophie!"

"No! You have no right to yell at me! You've never been there for me when I need you, ever! Don't you _dare_ tell me you're my mom! You're not a parent! I've had to do everything for myself, so don't go and act like you have any power over me! You _don't._"

"I've always been here for you if you wanted me!"

"No you freaking haven't! You don't know what I've been through! Don't tell me you care, because you never have, and I never will!"


	5. Snuff

**Disclaimer:** It's Sarah Dessen's, not mine.

**A/N:** Be prepared for an angsty surprise next chapter, guys.

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I stared at my ceiling blankly. "Snuff" was playing on my iPod, and that song always put me in a bad mood. I kept thinking about my dad and all the other men who had hurt me. I still wasn't sure if that included Will or not, and I honestly didn't care anymore. He was the only one I could see clearly. When I was with him, I could forget about all the shit in my life. And if keeping him meant fighting other girls, I had no problem with that. They were just sluts anyway, trying to steal him.


	6. Phone Call

**Disclaimer:** Sarah Dessen has the rights.

**A/N:** I know I mentioned a secret; that's been moved to a different chapter. I had to switch the order. Also, sorry for the long wait:) I've been having trouble with fanfic and the internet in general. :)

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"Hi! Dad!"

"What do you want? I'm in a hurry."

"I know. I just wanted to say hi. And it's weird without you here."

"I see. How are things with your new school?"

"They're good. I miss Jackson though."

"It's just an elementary school, Sophia. It doesn't matter."

"My name is Sophie, Dad. Please don't call me that."

"I named you Sophia, and that's what I'll call you. Now can we wrap this up? I have things to do with Kelly. I told you not to call me; I'll call you if it's necessary."

"I'm sorry..."

Then he hung up.


	7. Buddy System

**Disclaimer: **I'm tired of writing these. So, consider this to be a total disclaimer for the rest of this series. I DON'T OWN JUST LISTEN. kaythanksbye.

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"Well… Can't we just hang out at my house or something?"

"No. What's your problem? This is the last party of the season. We're going to be freshmen, Annabel. We can't miss this or we'll be totally out next year."

"I know, but I don't feel like going. Besides, Kirsten is leaving tomorrow. I kind of want to hang out with her today."

"No! We can't miss this."

"Why don't you go alone? You'll probably find someone there anyway. I bet Steph will be there. And you might find a guy."

"I'm not going alone!"

"Why not?"

"I just… can't."


	8. The Path to Hell

I knelt on the cold tile floor and stared at the toilet. I took deep breaths, trying to prepare myself for what was coming.

I was thirteen, and I'd just returned from art camp – a dirty little secret of mine, something the others would use against me if they got the slightest chance.

Every girl at camp weighed less than I did. And when talking to a girl from my bunk, I discovered that many of them purged in order to maintain that image.

I leaned forward, shoved my fingers down my throat, and started down the path to hell.


	9. Horror Story

"Will, not tonight. Please," I said softly, staring at the floor. He laughed cruelly.

"What, are you too tired, Soph? Yeah. Right. You're such a fucking tease."

I flinched. "I'm sorry. But… I _am_ tired. And…" I stopped. I didn't want to tell him I was in pain from the night before.

He got in my face, grasping my upper arms. "Shut up. You're a slut, Sophie, and sluts don't ever get tired of sex." His eyes were wild and frightening.

"Will, please…"

But he ignored my words. He forced me onto my bed, and the night of horror started.


	10. Secrets

I'm not a complicated girl. I'm the most normal teenage girl you could ever meet. I like to shop. I spend my weekends dancing and kissing and gossiping. I like to laugh at tabloids. I cry some nights. I fight with my mom. I hate my dad. I stab my friends in the back, and they do the same thing to me. I'm petty and vicious and mean. I worry about makeup. I used to binge and purge back in middle school. I'll never admit how much I like math.

And I was abused by the first guy I loved.


	11. Masochist

"God, I just love you so much," Will murmured in my ear, tracing lines on my palm. "I never meant to hurt you, Sophie. I know I'm stupid. Please don't give up on me. You're the only one I love. And the only one who loves me." He hesitated. "_If _you still love me."

I looked at him silently. I knew it was a bad idea to go back to him. He'd cheated on me, hurt me, and insulted me.

And yet, I needed him. Some part of me loved him.

"I still love you, baby," I whispered. "I promise."


	12. Residential

When I was fourteen, my mom made me go to residential treatment at the local hospital for bulimia. She wouldn't have bothered if the school counselor hadn't made a huge deal out of it. I mean, it wasn't that important to her. I'm just her kid. Not her boyfriend or something. Or Annabel. My mom _adores_ Annabel.

Anyway, treatment was kind of cool. I told everyone I went to see my dad so they wouldn't know. But when I was there, something clicked. I realized how stupid binging and purging was. I was already beautiful, at least on the outside.


	13. Anonymous

"This is fantastic, Sophie. Have you considered entering it in the art show?"

"No thanks, Miss Finnigan."

"But it's wonderful. You can almost feel the pain and shame in the lines. That's rare in pencil sketches."

"Thanks. But I'm not interested in showing my work…"

"Is this about your friends? They wouldn't have to know. You can enter anonymously, as long as the work is approved."

"Really?"

"Yes. Think about it."

"I will. I promise."

"And you can enter as many pieces as you want. Isn't this part of a series?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Make sure you show me the rest."


	14. After Class

"I'm going to be late, Miss Finnigan."

"I'll give you a pass. Don't worry."

"Fine. What?"

"Some of your recent work has given me cause for concern, Sophie."

"Your point is?"

"If there's something happening – "

"There's _not_, okay? I'm fine. Everything is perfectly fucking fine. You're not my mom, you're an art teacher. So just let me alone."

"I understand why you're hostile, Sophie. I've dealt with abusive relationships as well."

"Stop it! Will is _not_ abusive! He _isn't_!"

"I just want you to know that if he ever hurts you in _any_ way… you can talk to me."


	15. Taking Control

When I realized Will had tried - maybe even succeeded – to rape Annabel, I laid down on my bedroom floor and cried.

It was the first time I'd cried for years. That night, I completely broke down. I spent hours in my room crying, looking first at pictures of me and Will, then of me and Annabel.

Still, I blamed Annabel. I abandoned her.

But when I found out he did it to Emily, it was different. It hurt, but instead of being ashamed of myself and him, I was just pissed off. And I finally did something about it.


	16. For the Last Time

"Will! Did you do this? Did you hurt her? _Did you?_" I screamed at him, close to tears.

"Do you think I hurt her?" he asked angrily.

"Yeah! I do! I even believed Annabel last year. But I didn't do anything. I cut her out of everything. I believed you when you said never again! But you lied. You hurt someone else. How _could _you?"

He grabbed me, kissed me roughly, ignoring my attempts to pull away. After a moment, I managed to get him off me.

"Will," I whispered, the tears slipping out. And then, I finally walked away.


	17. The Best Days

The radio was blasting nineties boy band music. Popcorn and chips were spilled on the floor. Annabel and I were dancing in my room, laughing like crazy. It was four in the morning, and we were wildly happy. Annabel had just broken up with her asshole boyfriend of three months, Justin, and we were celebrating with a sleepover at my house.

We were fourteen. Summer was approaching. And back then, we didn't worry quite as much about being perfect. My art was full of bold colors like red, purple, and gold.

Those were the best days. And I miss them.


	18. Visit

"Where have you been accepted?" Dad asked. I stared out the restaurant window. I hadn't seen him in years, and all he could ask about was college.

"I already told you. I'm not going."

"Dammit!" he shouted, slamming his fist on the table. I flinched. "No daughter of mine will sit around in a cheap apartment and _paint_ all day."

"Shut up!" I shouted. I couldn't deal with this. I'd just escaped Will. I wasn't going to let anyone scare me ever again. "I'm going to do what I love for the first time ever. Just be happy for me."


	19. Letters

_Annabel,_

I don't know why I'm even writing this. Except… Well, I want to apologize. And high school is over and everything, and we'll probably never see each other again and I'm feeling pretty nostalgic.

So, I'm sorry that I chose Will over you. You weren't the first. I knew. And I'm sorry I didn't help you. I should have.

I hate to ask any favors, but could you pass the message to Emily? You know me. Apologizing isn't my strong suit. It's hard enough to say it to you. And you were my best friend for years.

Thanks.

_Sophie_


	20. New Life

I surveyed the little Brooklyn apartment. It was in awful shape – one wall was cracked, the bathroom looked leaky, and there were some questionable stains on the floor.

A grin split my face wide open. It was perfect for me. And it would be mine and mine alone; I was the one who was paying rent, after all. My parents refused to help, because they didn't approve of my painting.

I couldn't wait to move in and get started. Only three more weeks and I could. The minute I graduated, I was going to.

My new life was finally beginning.

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**a/n: **ta-da. that's the end. :) i may or may not do another character. if i do, i'm thinking Ca-_larke_ Reynolds. not sure yet. :)


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